ThePerfectDissonance

Sometimes

David Crowder just came out with last cd not too long ago. It’s an absolutely amazing album. Thirty-six amazing songs all wrapped up into one CD that is all pointing to one solid point that he’s trying to convey. God, have mercy on us and give us rest. I find it intriguing that David Crowder wants to end his career with a message like this. Not a happy “Lord, use me to change the world,” but rather, “I’ve done all You wanted me to do, and this world is still buckling under the weight of sin. So please hold back your wrath, Lord. And give me rest.” If you ever ask me if I’m an optimist or a pessimist, I’ll tell you that I’m neither. I’m a realist. I’m not going to tell you the glass is half full or half empty. I’ll tell you that the water is halfway. And that’s what I love about this CD. There are no delusions of grandeur. While God can do anything that He wants to in this world, we have to realize that we cannot. Even though we want a revival in the world, unless it’s in God’s will, it’s not going to happen. And while I still believe we need to do everything we can to put ourselves in opportunities that God can use us, there’s something else for us to remember. The world around us keeps becoming more sinful by the day. Even though there is a lot of good going on in the world, the bad strongly outweighs it. So while we need to be willing for God to use us on a daily basis, we should also keep this in mind and pray fervently for God to hold back His wrath upon this earth.

My favorite song in this album is called “Sometimes.” And I love this song because I believe this song is the honest portrayal of life. It starts out with saying that sometimes, life sucks. “Sometimes every one of us feels like we’ll never be healed. Sometimes.” Life never seems to stop getting us down. We’ve definitely all been to this place. When the world beats you down into an utter mess and you only have the choice to either lie there or find a way to get up. And then the pre-chorus comes. And David Crowder talks about how during these times to ask God to come down like a blanket. To cover us and heal us. That’s really the only way out of those situations. When we’re totally lost, God is that faint light in the blackness that we keep stumbling towards until we can finally make it out. And then the Chorus talks about how He is the ocean without a shore. God is endless. Boundless. And we’re lost in those waters. Second verse now, continuing from this point that we’re emerged fully in God, he talks about how we have those moments sometimes. Those moments when we feel like God is right next to us, but then the next moment, He’s not. It reminds me of all those times I went to youth group or church. Whenever I was there singing the hymns or praise songs, I felt like God and I had the same mind right then. Like He had given me His heart, and I wanted nothing more than to do His will. But then the songs end and the sermon comes and goes, we sing the final song, and we leave. And then the feeling is gone. Back to Crowder, Chorus strikes again. But this time he tells us to not be afraid of this vast ocean otherwise known as the Creator of the universe. And then the song swells into a huge buildup where he says to risk the ocean of grace and screaming out how we’re lost in Him. This is one of the most worshipful, sincere sounds I have ever heard, and even though I’ve listened to this song at least 70 times by now, I can’t help but feel God’s presence over me. Just like youth group and church, I get to see through God’s eyes for a second.

“It’s Your love that we adore,

It’s like a sea without a shore,

We’re lost in You.

We’re lost in You.

Sometimes.”

And after all of this building up and screaming out how we’re totally and absolutely without doubt lost in Jesus, David ends it with that word.

Sometimes.

And then I’m back. That feeling is gone again. There’s just me standing on a sidewalk with groups of college kids walking past me heading to class. And then I go about on my normal day. We preach about revival but then when push comes to shove we’d rather stay in our safe bubble of other Christian friends. Sure, we reach out… sometimes. We tell the truth… sometimes. We encourage others… sometimes. But we seem to have a groove going on that we just don’t seem to want to shatter. I wish with all my heart I was an exception to this rule, but while I am more vocal about my faith than most other people… I still lie sometimes, I still discourage sometimes, I still perform instead of worship when I’m playing on stage sometimes. If there were 100 people on this planet who stopped this whole “sometimes” deal and lived like God originally made us to live, those men and women would change the world. And that’s a huge hope for me. But then my realism kicks in. Unfortunately, those 100 people will never exist because sin is still here. So I guess we’ll just have to deal with people only doing right

sometimes. 

It’s been a long day.

It’s been a long week.

It’s been a long year.

I miss you. But you know that. I think. I’d like to know. Mail me, ok?

We could have done it. I’m sure of it.

Well, I could have done it. But maybe you couldn’t. Role reversal, what’s up with that?

Souls are so hard to find these days. But I think I’m finally catching up with mine. 

Happy Birthday

And here goes another one without me.

I’ve really got to learn to play to my strengths

instead of killing myself on my weaknesses.

And here we go again.

Let’s keep on dancing. Ba da doo daDA! Gotta love that beat.

Warning: this post has no point.

So yeah the sun would be nice. Studios don’t usually have windows. Why? Productivity? Who knows? Who? Apparently the owls. Mandarin is a crazy language. Bass is Phat. YAY IT WANTS ME TO SPELL CHECK IT! =))))). But i won’t. Prank calls are supposed to be funny, but when you’re doing them… you’re always deadly serious. Then you hang up and giggle with your friends… but you just spent 5 minutes of trying to be a serious actor just to get 5 seconds of giggles… Coincidence? I think not. Owl City has cool posts on twitter. If you have one check him out. If you don’t have one, google him and check him out. He’s a pretty sweet guy. Apparently Mae broke up. Wow… maybe this does have a point. To tell you that. It was worth it right?

I hope susanna reads this. She’s the one who started me on all this tumblrness. I miss her terribly. But one of these days, she’ll come up here to NC and let me record her again. Then she’ll get famous and then she’ll make me famous. And we’ll sit on roofs during the winter and drink hot chocolate. Then go donate blood. O joy.

Miss all you guys. Can’t wait to get home and see everyone. :).

And I thought I was crazy before…

So I guess this is where insanity meets madness. I don’t even know what to do anymore. All my life I’ve always known what I wanted. And then I went for it until I got it. But not anymore apparently. Thanks for that. Perseverance is actually backstabbing me now. Yet it’s helping me. Because apparently I hit the split in the road where I have to choose one and wonder for the rest of my life what the other one was like. All I’ve ever wanted out of life is to experience everything. I can’t choose. I have to choose. Why couldn’t you have been born a year earlier? Time to bang my head against the wall. That was fun. Stupid forks. Forks are stupid. Actually they’re the only thing I eat with. I take it back. Do i want to take it back? Yes. No. Well this is the makings of a wonderful night… Sarcasm doesn’t know when to shut up.

Why did she come back?

I am more confused than I’ve ever been in a long time. Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a bad confused. But confused none the less. Life is wonderful at the moment.

I tried to figure out myself again tonight. Still didn’t quite do it. But that didn’t matter. Cause even if i was totally wrong about my diagnosis of myself, she still listened.

And she cared. And weirdly enough, after all my babbling, she still seemed to like me. Which starts this whole confused mess.

Who am I?

I think you know me better than I do.

This is going to hurt a lot more than I thought it would.